I went to the movies and dinner by myself tonight! Although a liberating experience at the age of 34, it did feel a bit awkward. As if I felt the need to have to explain it to people around me. I was certain it didn’t make sense to the people staring at me as to why I was at the movies or having dinner alone. Here I was dressed nice, hair and makeup done and all by myself.
What if they thought I was stood up? What if they felt sorry for me? What if this was a reminder of all my previous mistakes that I was paying for? But what if none of these thoughts are true? Well, here’s how it all started. Let me go back and break it down for you.
I’m a 34-year single mother. I’m not what you think right off the bat. I’m not miserable, poor, bitter, sad or negative. I have a 5-year-old son and a good job. I live in a beautiful city of San Diego. I don’t have family here. My circle of friends is very small, most are busy with lots of competing priorities. I have been a single mom for 4 years now. Time sure has passed by quickly but it hasn’t been so easy.
I’ve had to deal with the ups and downs and the undesirable divorce issues, raising my son and juggling work at the same time. And if you are a single parent you understand what I’m talking about. There were nights where I would look out the window and think to myself; if I can make it through this, I can handle anything life puts in front of me. I went through many sleepless nights because my son kept me up, ear infections, heavy workload and no time to myself. Can you imagine finding the time or energy to date or even entertain anyone to expend the little energy I had left? So, yes. I will proudly and gladly take the night to eat my dinner alone and take myself out on a date to the movies. Because I simply enjoy my own company.
I wrote this 8 years ago. For one, 34 is such a pivotal time of life. Most personal transformations begin their initial stage right when we turn 34. There’s an unsettling sensation deep within us that wants to know who am I? How did I get here? What’s ahead? The journey begins with the lingering unanswered questions, mostly because of the uncertainties that we face.
Regardless of an individual’s martial, economic, emotional, and spiritual status, we’re all basically in the same boat when it comes to the calling of Father Time. But what does it all mean?
Right before I turned 34, I met an individual that was one of those God Sent Angels. She was and is my Oracle, the voice of wisdom. She has taught me more about life that I could’ve learned on my own through an entire lifetime. When I met her few months short of my 34th birthday, she sensed my commitment to living a peaceful, meaningful and purposeful life. One of the first things I remember she said to me was, “My dear, you’ve arrived on time.” In that moment, I didn’t quite know what she meant by that. But her confidence in me and her deep gaze into my eyes pierced the message deep into my soul. “I AM on time!”. It’s incredibly moving when you feel understood and realize it’s all OK. From that moment on, I wanted to learn more from her. I wanted to know how this game of LIFE should be played. And I did. I immersed myself in her teachings and promised to empower this interval of my life with knowledge, understanding, development, and emotional freedom.
Through these past 8 years, I’ve stepped into my calling, built the courage to stay on my path, and created a way to share my gained wisdom with others. I feel an immense sense of gratitude for this journey that began 8 years ago that kept my head above the water, my body afloat and emotions managed. This, I hope for everyone stepping into their transformative 30’s.
The choice is yours. You can sink or you can swim. I hope you choose the latter.
By Haleh Gianni